Philosophy of a Controlling Person
"It's not what you say, but how you say it."
Somebody on a control-trip is concerned with their image, not with the truth.
Below is copied an excerpt from a book by Patricia Evans* wherein she discusses the cause, effects, and possible cure for the controlling personality. This particular quote is a self-realization of one of her clients – a controlling man who honestly tried to cease his psychological abuse of his wife.
"I would never do anything that might be perceived improper by the general public. In public I wouldn't burst into a rage or demean someone because that would ruin my squeaky-clean image. In public my need to be right was satisfied even if I didn't win if I was seen as a good sport. It's like you can be right but look like an idiot if you lose your cool expressing it. What matters is who sees. And I was master. No one saw. I deeply needed others to respect me. One of my greatest fears was that someone besides my wife would find out I was behaving improperly."
from Controlling People, by Patricia Evans, p. 151
*founder of Evans Interpersonal Communications Institute, Alamo CA